The Cows, they got less sleep, and the plebes, they got more.
The spurs were all oiled and ready to spin,
For those after-taps brain cramps that always kick in.
With plebes by their desktops, blowing off knowledge,
With visions appearing of some easier college,
And my roommate in P.J.'s, and I in the sack
Had just settled down for some hard winter Rack
When out from the Plain, there came a loud BOOM!
It spilled my Doritos all over the room.
I ran to the window and saw O.D. green,
It was a parked M1Abrams, and in it, THE DEAN!
With a ruck full of markers, all filled with red ink,
He was ready to help P's make those QPA's sink.
His laughter rang loud from all A-Co to I-CO,
And he shook when he laughed like ole' Norman in Psycho.
He held up some papers and looked at who made 'em,
And he said "What the hell, let's let DPE grade 'em."
Then he started the engine, which spurts with a flare
(Think of all the hydroflorocarbons he put in the air),
"ON Thermo, ON Physics, ON Dirt, ON Computers!"
"ON quill from lights-out, ON floppy disk tutors!"
Then he said as the star shone bright on his cap,
"Merry Christmas to all, and I'll see you in STAP!"